The Devil wears a size 4~

I watched a movie last night that most of you are probably familiar with, “The Devil Wears Prada.” I really enjoy that movie, but not for reasons that you might think. Yes, I love to watch the small town girl blossom into a lovely lady, but that is not where I love it. Every time I watch that movie it reminds me of how far my self absorption could really take me and it scares me back into line.

However, last night, as I was watching it, something else struck me, in light of everything that I am trying to search through to find out who God would have me be through Finding My Weigh.

Towards the end of the movie, the main character was very proud of herself for going from a size 6 to a size 4. Her friend was also very proud of her.

Now, I could be blind, but she looked great before her amazing transformation….in a size 6…..and all during that time, she was mocked as being fat….by a woman who was obviously much larger than she was. I know this was just a movie, but it really depicted how we are trained to believe in the lie that healthy is fat and that we are mentally trained to believe that by starving ourselves and fitting into some “mold,” set up by….who?? …is exactly where we are supposed to be.

Ok. I think, and I could be wrong here, that they didn’t break the mold after making me. I am fairly certain that I broke the mold just trying to fit my larger than average self into it and painfully finding out that it just was never meant to be. At 5 feet, 11 inches tall, I am NEVER….EVER…going to be a size 4.

In fact, my life more often reflects the opening scenes of the movie, “Elf,” when Buddy realizes that he is not an elf at all, and they show his giant self trying to fit into all of those tiny elf sized things, more so than the hope that I would ever fit into the fantastic clothes in “The Devil Wears Prada.”

The number 4 is something that only exists for me when someone asks me how many children I have, or how old my youngest child is. In my little world, the devil doesn't wear Prada. If it hadn't been for certain friends in recent years, I wouldn't even know what Prada was (all of you laughing can stop now), and sadly, when confronted with a purse that said "MJ" on the tag, a friend of mine said that it stood for "Micheal Jordan" and everyone else laughed....but I didn't get the joke. In my little world, the devil lives in a doughnut shop and sells me coffee all day long! Prada is not an issue for me, so being a size 4 isn't a goal of mine.

Does this negate my responsibility to me and to my family to ignore my commitment to get healthy?

NO! I’m gunning for a size 12, and could very happily live there for the rest of my life.

It just means that my responsibility lies in making sure that my heart and body are something that honors God. My outward appearance carrying chub is a painful admittance that somewhere deep inside of me, something is out of order, and my lack of control is showing all over my body. Finding my weigh is allowing God to have control over that area.

The devil very well may wear Prada, but my Jesus wears Robes of Majesty…that never go out of style.

Thank goodness. I look much better in Robes, and they are way more comfortable.

Robes of Majesty…that’s God’s best for me.

Keep your head above water!

I love to go swimming. What was even more fun last week about being in the pool was toting my four year old around in the water with me. She gets so excited about the water, but she is terrified all at the same time. What is amazing to me is that she doesn’t allow her fear to stop her from jumping in. She would rather feel the cool water all around her than to sit on the sidelines, melting in the sun.

I love that about her.

The water on one end of the pool was just low enough that she could stand and allow the water come to just under her chin. She would float around on a purple pool noodle with full confidence that if she hopped off, she could catch her balance with her feet safely planted on the bottom of the pool. So, at one point, I grabbed the pool noodle and started dragging her into deeper waters.

That is where she lost it.

Now, I am her mother and I was right there beside her. I would never let her drown. If the noodle would have given way, I would have been right there to catch her. I was never more than and hand grip away. She loves me. She trusts me…but not in that moment. The water just seemed to big….and she lost it.

I pulled the noodle out from under her and grabbed her close to me. She started freaking out. I just held her. I wanted her to know that I was there and that I wouldn’t allow her to go under. I just talked to her. As she got quieter, she could hear my voice and started to calm down a bit. We got to the point where I was holding her out from me at arms length in the deepest part of the pool.

I wasn’t going to let go.

I have no desire to see harm come to my daughter.

She learned to trust me.

When she was done or when she needed an extra hug or hand, all she had to do was ask and it was there. When she was ready, I could hold her out again.

God couldn’t help but make this a teaching moment for me.

I don’t have a lot of fear when it comes to taking on difficult tasks. God has definitely NOT given me the spirit of fear or timidity! I live that verse. However, I do not like it when He calls upon me to do the impossible.

But isn’t that where God teaches me that He is there the most? …when I can’t touch bottom and my head is barely above water? Do I really think that His desire is to see me drown?

No.

He desires for me to ask for His hand.

He is there…stretched out and ready to grab me by the hand and give me the security that I need to continue to trust Him. If He only ever gave me tasks that were easy for me, where would Faith come in?

It wouldn’t.

Where would growth happen?

It wouldn’t.

God’s best for me is where I learn to hold His hand and be lead rather than taking the reigns and leading in my own direction.

God’s best for me is being where my feet are no longer touching the bottom of the pool, but His feet are firmly planted and He is simply holding me up.

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

O.....M.......Word....

We spent one amazing week in the Outer Banks and enjoyed every single second of our much needed and much appreciated vacation. My kids were fantastic and well behaved. The friends we went with were fun and patient with our tribe of children. I ate more carbs than the average red head, and we came home relaxed, tanned, burned, and ready to get back to life.

I gave myself one day to unpack, grocery shop and settle in, and I started my diet today. When I say "diet," please know that I am well aware that people tell me constantly to not look at this like a diet more than "a new way to live." Cut the crap. No matter how you word it, skipping the doughnuts and cheesecake to attain a healthier body is never going to be fun.

Don't get me wrong. I love my vegetables. I just love them topped with pie.

So, today, I am putting together all of the previous blog posts and pulling them all together for myself....and you, if you like.

I am respecting my God by respecting my body. I am starting this diet by breaking my addiction to carbs. I have made myself a big container of marinated salad (recipe below) and I am drinking all of my water and eating vegetables until my body quits craving the carbs.

My kids are not in love with me today.

God needs to hold me up.

I have a migraine and it's only 2 PM on the very first day.

I can do this.

Why?

Because God's best for me is depending on Him and not turning to cake with every bad or hard day. Those days happen more than I would like and my body is showing a serious dependence on those "feel good" carbs.

Deciding to be healthy is not hard. I want to be healthy.

It's not hard. It's painful.

Pray for my migraine, if you have a chance. Pray for my husband and kids as a tag line, if you have a minute.

I'm fuzzy.

I'm frustrated.

I know that what I have done to get to this point comes after a long list of bad decisions.

I know that every day that passes and my body adjusts to healthier food and plenty of fresh clean water to wash away the past, that I am getting closer to God's best for me.

MARINATED SALAD

1 lb bag of carrots
2 broccoli crowns
1 head cauliflower
3 peppers
1 bunch of celery
1 bunch of scallions

1 c apple cider vinegar
1 c canola oil
1-2 T of garlic powder

Cut up all vegetable into big chunks and put into a container that has a tight fitting lid.
Dice scallions and put them on the vegetables
Pour on vinegar and oil and garlic powder
Put on the airtight lid and shake

Only put salt on your vegetables as you are getting ready to eat them. Salt pulls the water out of the veggies and will leave them soggy.

Let set for a couple of hours and enjoy!

They say it's YouR BIRTHDAY!

Today is my birthday. I know that it’s not popular to be in love with your birthday and that I should somehow be sad that I am getting older, but I have to tell you, I think that mindset is completely ridiculous.

I am not sad about my age.

I am never sad about my birthday!

I get excited every time it rolls around and this year, I am 36, and just as thrilled to be 36 as I was to be 26. I love Birthdays! …and to be more specific, I love MY birthday!

I actually have a friend who turned 50 this year. She didn’t want a party and you have never seen someone so opposed to turning 50! I have to tell you, I don’t get that. Did her making us ignore her birthday somehow make her still stay 49? Nope. She’s still 50, gorgeous, and amazing.

My sister freaked out when she turned 30. Seriously, she F R E A K E D O U T. You know what? She’s 33 today. Freakin’ out didn’t make it stop and time still goes by.

I am so not sad about 36! Age does not scare me because I remember 26.

At 26: excited about who I was and where I was going
At 36: amazed at where God has taken me and who He wants me to be

At 26: two babies at home that needed constant care and attention
At 36: four kids that pretty much take care of themselves

At 26: trying to figure out how to please my husband
At 36: husband needs clean clothes, food in any form, sleep, and love

At 26: trying to somehow fit in, STILL
At 36: love me or leave me, God placed me right here

At 26: annoyed that I am so freakin’ tall and nothing fits
At 36: why is everyone else so freakin’ short? …and I know where to shop

At 26: trying to fit the “mold”
At 36: just a lump of clay allowing God to constantly mold me

~Being 36 is being comfortable with who God has designed me to be and finding out that His plan is perfect but that doesn’t mean that I am.

~I am not sure why I had to be so tall to fit into that plan, but I love that the step stools in my house are for all of my short friends that come to visit and not me. I can totally see on top of my fridge without one. Beat that!

I love that turning 36 means that God has blessed me with another year.

36 years old, 5 feet 11 inches tall, slightly chubby, always smiling, 4 kids, 14 years of marriage.

…that is God’s best for me.

Bring it on.

Love, Dad

I love how God took my most basic needs and made them simple. It’s not God that has made it difficult. The most basic desires, needs and questions are answered all throughout His Love Letter to me, the Bible, and I have allowed human thoughts to come in and confuse so many aspects of my life.

This morning I was laying in bed, sleeping in for the first time in a day short of seventy years, and my son, Aedan, age 6, came in and snuggled up against me. He didn’t want breakfast. He didn’t want me to settle an argument between him and his brother. He just wanted me…just to be near me. I scratched his back and drew around his little face. I tickled him under his chin and we talked a little. We laid there for about an hour, and I never even knew time had gone by. Then, just like that, he was ready to go. He had gotten his Mommy time and his little love tank was full, so he ran out to tackle the day.

My biggest lesson in seeing who God is came when I fell in love with my children. I would do anything for them and I protect them fiercely. I discipline them because I love them and I don’t want them to get hurt. I desire for them to grow up and be good people and followers of Christ. I can’t choose for them to do right, but I can be there for them when they fall and offer guidance and experience.

I love them.

A lot.

How much more does God love us?

I think that’s why God calls Himself our Heavenly Father. There is no other way for us to understand what kind of love that God has for us. What kind of love would send His Son to the cross for me? Could I sacrifice that much for a bunch of people that couldn’t stand me? Could I sacrifice my child for people that spit in his face?! Writing that out brings pain to my heart!

If God would have not called me into motherhood, I don’t know how I could have possibly known the love that a parent feels for their child. God had to break it down for me. That is how He looks at me. That is how He loves me, but ten fold.

My son doesn’t ask me to love him. I just do. I adore him. I love everything about him. I love that he is part of us, part of our family, and I love that his personality is vastly different from mine but his face reflects that he is part of me. There is nothing that he could ever do that would make him any less my son. He will always be mine.

That kind of love is unconditional.

We put the rules on love. God never did. He loves us unconditionally. He never says that I have to earn His love. It just is, because God is love. Why do we have to mess that up? I don’t have to be perfect to be His child. I am not always obedient, either. He loves me anyway.

He just wants me to be near Him.

He just wants me to WANT to be near Him.

That way, I don’t run out into the world on empty. Simple time and love.

Finding my weigh means seeing that God loves me no matter what. I don't want to lose weight to impress a world that is very un-impressed with me. This world has charmed me into believing that love is a condition that is based on what I do right, if I am thin enough and if I am pretty enough. That is just a set up for failure. I can't live up to those expectations. I don't want to live up to those expectations.

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

He loves me right here, right now. He loves me just because He has built me this way. I have chosen wrong things that have done less for my body than He would desire. He still loves me. He still uses me. He desires more for me, but He will love me through it all.

That’s God’s best for me.

Need a Drink?

I was out weeding my garden the other morning. Believe me, it was a feat. I don't have a ton of time so getting out into the fresh earth is a quiet moment that I long for but rarely get. Sometimes it gets to the point where I have to question which plants belong and which ones need to come out.

This particular morning followed a night of rain, so the ground was soft and willing to give up the deeply rooted weeds.

Have you ever noticed that? When the ground is dry and crusty, the weeds are almost impossible to pull out. You can get the tops yanked off pretty quickly, but those roots are almost locked into the ground.

And, it's not like you can just water your garden and then pull weeds. It doesn't work like that. You have to really let that water soak up in there and give it some time before you can reach down there and pull out those weeds with ease.

I couldn't help but notice how this really lined up with my life. I sometimes feel like I have so many weeds in my life that have taken root and block out the Son and choke out the Fruit that God would manifest in my life. And, if my life is the soil, and God's best is the beautiful fruit, then the work of the enemy would be the weeds.

If I want the weeds out, then I have to pull them out one by one. It's labor intensive and exhausting at times, and when the ground is dry, then it's impossible to get the entire root of the weeds. If I want to see more of the Son, then I have to allow Him to penetrate every possible corner of who I am.

John 7:38
"Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Revelation 7:17
"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

His word, His promises, His Spirit.

That is the Living Water I need.

That is what will moisten the soil and prepare me to pull out the weeds.

I can't do it alone.

It has to permeate every section of my being so that the weeds come out easier and with the total root being removed.

Soaking up who He is so that the worst of me can be removed easier?

That is God's best for me.

How does that relate to Finding My Weigh?

We all know that water is important. It flushes your body and cleanses. It brings healing. Water makes up over 60% of your body. If you don't drink enough of it, it will keep your body from running at peak performance and make you look an feel completely run down.

Water.

Important all the way around.

Pure.

Fresh.

Today I will resolve to not drink anything full of junk...spiritually or physically.

I know that it's God's best for me.

4 x blessed=me!

I am so in love with being a mom. Don’t get me wrong…there are days when that statement has to be forced out of my mouth, but I have never regretted having any one of my beautiful four babies. They are smart, beautiful blessings, and I am so grateful that God allowed them to be part of my life.

There was a day when we didn’t think we would be able to have children. We had tried for a while on our own, and my doctor confirmed to me my worst fear as a wife and woman that loves children. She told me that I had a condition called endometriosis and that being able to conceive, for me, would be almost impossible, and that we should look at all of our options before getting completely frustrated.

Devastating.

Heartbroken.

Angry.

Frustrated.

I still remember Tim holding me as I was crying. I wanted children so badly that I would just yearn every time I saw baby shoes or someone holding a little one.

Another year went by and I decided I wanted to go to grad school instead of spending money on trying to have children. We were both in college, working part time jobs to just get by, so having an overabundance of money just wasn’t in the plans at that time.

Everyone at work had the flu, and I just thought it was my turn. I ended up sick for over a week and it just wouldn’t go away…no fever. My sister came to visit and convinced me to take a pregnancy test. I cried as I took it, knowing that if I got another “negative,” that the devastation would be more than I could bear, but at least she would be there to comfort me as she sat there, seven months pregnant with her second daughter.

Isn’t that where God meets us the most? There I was, pants down, sitting on the toilet, peeing on a stick, and begging God for mercy, refusing to look at a stupid piece of plastic because that little line held such power over my life that if it wasn’t there again, I knew I would be broken for days.

Vulnerable. Completely vulnerable.

Defying all odds, medical and human, God made a way where there was no way. In that moment, God gave me my first child. I saw that line…positive. In that moment, I was Sarah. What seemed impossible in human eyes, God made possible. The doctor was so floored that she would not confirm that this was a viable pregnancy for two months. She was convinced that I would never carry that baby.

My oldest daughter is now 11 wonderful years old and is followed by two sons and another baby girl just to bring it all together, and just because He can.

If you doubt for one moment that it was God and not just a medical mistake, remember this; two years ago, I had to go into the GYN because I was in such pain that I almost passed out. When the doctor did the exam, she was floored that I was able to have one child, let alone four of them. I had a hysterectomy because everything was such a mess.

Why? Because God is good.

Four kids? That is God’s best for me.

I want to be God’s best for them as a Mom. He didn’t have to give them to me. He just did.

Why do I tell you this long and awesome story?

Because God answers prayer.

It might not look like what we think it will look like in the end, but He does answer prayer. I know that He hears my prayers for a healthier and more abundant future. If He can make it so that I can have children, He can help me to lose this weight. He wants His best for me.

I’m excited about His future for me, because His future for me is His best for me.

Joshua the Giant

We got a kitten last week…because I have no ability to say no to big brown, begging eyes.

This kitten weighs less than a pound and is about half the size of a paper clip, covered in dark gray fur and has blue-gray eyes that beg you to play with him. His name is Zachary, and he’s adorable. I love him already. He’s strong and tenacious and he is fairly certain that he is ten feet tall and bullet proof.

I mention how tiny he is to also tell you this…we have a giant golden retriever named Joshua, that is 90 pounds of big, fluffy teddy bear. This dog is massive and has a heart that is as golden as his coat. He was very intrigued by this little gray fluff that we brought home for about ten seconds. The moment the two were introduced, Zack immediately began hissing and declaring his territory with the six members of his new family and Joshua was obviously not invited and took it rather well. He never barked at Zack, took his cue and backed away.

I had to laugh yesterday, because Zack toddled over to Joshua’s water bowl and proceeded to take a drink at about the same time Joshua decided he was thirsty enough to wake his lazy butt up and mozy over to the watering hole. Joshua got about three feet from his water bowl and there was Zack, with his ten feet tall and bullet proof attitude, taking up about 6 inches of space, but demanding about 3 feet more than he needed. Zack turned towards Joshua, put his gray paws up in the air and started batting just before he toppled over.

Now, Zack is obviously a light snack for Joshua. It would take Josh about 2 seconds to decide he is done with him and just step on him and it would all be over. But he’s afraid of him so he just stood there, staring helplessly as this mini cat drank his water. Hilarious and sad all at the same time.

I got to thinking about how this actually relates to me all of the time. I think that there are certain situations in my life that I think I have no control over and I automatically think that I am going to lose, so why even bother fighting? I constantly forget that I have already won because the Power that I can call upon at any given moment to help me find strength, peace, hope and comfort in, is not just right beside me, but living in my heart.

It’s all in perspective. God is big. He is in total control, and yet we look at these issues in our lives that seem ten feet tall and bullet proof and feel helpless to defeat it. We forget that the same power that has called our lives took down a giant with a stone, walked on water, calmed a raging storm, kept hungry lions from tearing flesh and parted an entire sea. …and we have access to it all.

Knowing the power that is available to me through Jesus Christ? That is God’s best for me.

Stuck in Opposites

I am continually frustrated when I find out how blinded I have been by the enemy.

sigh.

This was huge when God revealed it to me, and I am compelled to share this with all of you.

There are many things that I do backwards and live to regret it day after day or year after year. We all have things like that and we learn from them, but I think that Satan has us so blinded on this one that we are walking around in frustration and anger about unanswered prayers and sadness that sometimes seems endless.

Why?

When I hit emotional rock bottom, my inclination is to bury myself in a pile of "feel good" foods because, let's face it, I deserve it and it feels great. It always feels better at that moment, but in the end, it always leads to feeling worse. In the morning, my weight is up, my head is swimming, and my body aches.

Why?

Because when I hit strife and conflict in my life that affects my well being, I am not called to give into fleshly desires so that I feel better. The end to this is just another pile of sin without God's best for me. In giving in to that need to be comforted with something other than God, I have taken Him out of the answers.

Backwards.

This is where Satan has us blinded. Take a look through the Bible. When God's people had great strife in their lives, they didn't feast! They totally Fasted.

In Esther, she had all of her people fast when she found out the plan that Hamman had hatched to have them all killed (Esther 4). In Nehemiah 9, the Israelites were called to fast and come back to the Lord. In Psalm 35 he fasted because someone was sick. Jesus fasted in Matt. 4 for forty days!

When I have a big decision to make, I cover it in chips so that I forget about it.

Backwards.

Blinded.

Walking forward with both eyes open, now I need the discipline to do this God's way.

Turning away from any bad habit that has had you locked away in sin is never going to be easy. It's not about easy or difficult.

It's about God's Best for me.

Fasting and binge eating are exact opposites. Good and Evil are exact opposites. Blind and Seeing are exact opposites.

God's way....Satan's way.

Where do you want to live?

I want God's Best.

My Body? His Body.

I know that there are certain things that come into my life that live on an "if-y" line. I believe that food is one of them. In this department, I will cave and bend in ways that I fight viciously in most other areas. Knowing that I struggle with food and my love of food, I will walk into a Dunkin Donuts like a recovering alcoholic would walk into a bar...eyes wide open with the possibilities!

Why? Why would I do that to myself?

Temptations are all around me. With four kids and a husband that are all fit and healthy (partly thanks to the Keeper of all Snacks and Dinners), I allow them to purchase certain luxury items for the pantry that are like ticking time bombs for me....just sitting there...eying me...like it can talk and draw me in like that.....

frustrating that cookies can talk to me like that....sigh.

BUT, I have good news! I don't have to fall into temptation! Why? Because I have friends out there that are praying for me and I have God's Word to feed me when it's a craving more than hunger that is driving me to the kitchen.

Satan has rendered me useless because he has drawn my eye and persuaded sme that what I have done to my body is a lesser sin than that of others, if it's even a sin at all?? Well, let's hold it up against what the Bible says about my body...

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New International Version)

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

God doesn't own just the spiritual side of me. He owns the entire thing, including the physical body that in which my spirit resides. To love God and to be grateful is to love everything that He has given to me and to take care of what He has put me in charge of. That is why I am very careful about what I feed to my children and how much I allow them to eat and not to eat. I am responsible for them. I don't allow them to watch TV or play computer all day because I want them to enjoy the wind in their face and the sun on their shoulders. I know that God has given me the task of taking care of those little bodies so that one day they can be effective for His ministry.

So, how much sense does it make that I have allowed my body to give in to selfish desires that are less than what God would have as His best for me?

To love and to trust God is to know that He has made a way out of temptations that are all around me so that I can live in His best for me.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)

¹³No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

He has given me this vessel. It belongs to Him. When I gave Him my soul, He gave me His forever, and now I need to honor Him with all that I am, including my physical body. No more excuses. I can do this....through Him.

This is God's best for me.

Anything worth doing is worth doing fun!

I do a lot of boring things that I don’t want to do. Laundry. Dishes. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Paying bills. And most recently, eating healthy.

I recently got to spend some time helping a friend of mine do something that she hates doing, a yard sale. She was stuck somewhere between just getting rid of her stuff in any way possible, or being a good steward of what she and her husband had worked for and trying to salvage some of the money spent on no longer needed baby equipment, sports equipment, and lamps.

This is where I think Providence shines its’ brightest in my life. You see, I love yard sales. I love having them and I love shopping them. Every Saturday in summer is like waking up to my birthday. I love looking for clothes for my kids, finding antique furniture, the cup of coffee that I nurse while driving around, having the radio to myself, and meeting the people that always love giving you a piece of their history as you look through their lives poured out onto a driveway. So, naturally, I offered to help make my friend’s yard sale something fun instead of something she would dread and hate.

The morning was great and I walked away with a beautiful lawn chair that I am currently using to catch some amazing rays while watching my kids play with each other in the back yard, and my friend was able to bless a few people with items that they really needed at a price that they could afford (and some was even free). We laughed and talked, and the morning flew by a little easier instead of being a long and dragging 3 hours.

Anything worth doing is worth doing fun.

Some of the most mundane tasks can be made a whole lot more fun with a little support from a friend, especially when it’s an area that they excel. Can’t handle your finances very well? Get a trusted friend to give you some creative tips and help to keep you accountable. Hate spring cleaning? Have a great friend come along side you and do it together, switching places so that both homes are cleaned.

Creativity is key to any successful change. Mundane? Never. Together, we can make better choices. I hate missing out on doughnuts, but I love when my healthy friends give me fun and slimming recipes because they are just as excited about my success as I am. If you don’t have someone, you have one now. We can do this together. Some of my fastest walks have been on the cell phone with a friend when we are both panting because we are working out and laughing.

Creativity.

Peace in good choices.

Growing relationships.

God’s best.

I'm starving!

How many times have you heard that come out of your very own mouth?

"I'm STARVING!"

Definition of starving:

"Starvation is a severe reduction in vitamin, nutrient, and energy intake. It is the most extreme form of malnutrition. Prolonged starvation can cause permanent organ damage, and eventually death."

Boy. That puts it in perspective, doesn't it? You want another sobering thought? Type in "pictures of starving" in your search bar. It's painful.

I say it all the time.

I am not starving. It's very rare that I even know "hungry." I cannot even recall last time I even felt my stomach rumble for more than a few minutes? I know that there is a snack somewhere in the house, and if it's not here, then the store is a mile away. Even when there is nothing in the checking account, I can get some kind of junky food to shovel into my face with change that I find in my car.

We are not starving. We are craving.

Definition of craving:

"an intense desire for some particular thing"

That is more of what I struggle with. Cravings. I have intense desires, but I have never been starving. I want the Lord to direct my cravings. Praying about God's best choices for me has made me really focus on what His intentions are for me and my body. If I want to be used by Him, then I need to hear Him. If I need to hear Him, then I need to be near Him.

If I am starving, meaning, missing everything that I need to be whole, then let me be starving for God's Word and presence in my life, and that it would fill me and nourish me. Please, let it begin with a craving.

The hardest things

I know that I didn't get here in a day. No. It took four children and many doughnuts to get me this far. If you are what you eat, then I am 50% vanilla creme filled. I love my cake and I definitely eat it, too.

However, I have heard it said that anything worth doing is generally difficult. I mean, think about it. All of the decisions that I have had to make that have made the biggest impact on my life have been made through some of the most difficult times in my life.

Wanting to go to college? ...easy. Wanting to study to pass finals? ....hard.

Wanting to marry the love of my life? ...easy. Staying married? ...hard.

Wanting to have children? ...easy. Pushing? ...hard. Raising them? ...hard.

Wanting to go to heaven? ...easy. Living for Christ in this world? ....hard.

Wanting another doughnut? ....easy. Living healthy for my children? ...hard.

Beginning something is very easy. Most of us have the best of intentions when we start something, but then we become like water and flow wherever the lands bends and bows. Stopping that flow is hard.

But you know what? My God parted the Red Sea. He's that big. The flow of my life does not have to continue down a path of self destruction. I know that there are people out there that don't struggle with turning away that second helping of mac n cheese. I know that there are people out there that never touch a soda or struggle with whether or not to open up those chips. I am not one of them. These are difficult decisions for me.

Today I resolve to make the difficult decision. Today I will chose to give all of my food choices over to the Lord and allow him to walk me through the difficult decisions.

Running on the treadmill? ...easy because it's God's best for me.

Drinking water all day instead of coffee? ...easy because it's God's best for me.

Eating a salad for lunch instead of snacking on junk food? ...easy because it's God's best for me.

Praying about my choices? ...easy because it's God's best for me.

a piece? or a Peace?

Finding my weigh means so much more to me than just slimming down God's way. I am finding that there are just things here and there in my life that I need to deal with. The comfort I find in food takes the place of the comfort I find in the Lord. Why? Food is temporary. God is eternal.

It's been kind of a tough year in my life. I consider myself truly blessed, and there have been amazing people around me to basically smack me awake to where I was and where God could take me, but there is only so much that people around me can do. Eventually I had to look inside of my own heart to see where the entire mess originated.

Turns out it wasn't just one thing. It was a bunch of little things. I had been looking for peace, but I didn't know how to get it. So, I would reach for a piece. Every time I needed comfort in dealing with an issue, I would avoid the issue and instead, treat myself to something that made me feel better.

Ironic.

I dug myself out of one hole with a tool that simply shoved me into another pit.

Isn't it kind of crazy that we do that to ourselves? We look for our own way out of our problems, but if we don't turn towards God, then we have used the wrong tool for the job, and most likely, we have caused more damage that now needs to be cleaned up. In panic, frustration, irritation, anger, or just sadness, I would reach for my comfort in that great food "high."

Philippians 4:6-9 says, "Be anxious for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep (garrison) your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things.

Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you."

Wow. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that my peace will come from my doughnut. Trust me. I have looked.

A piece is temporary. God's peace is eternal.

I need to know peace in my life. Food has yet to do that for me. I still enjoy it, but I am more resolved to make sure that my piece does not fulfill me and that it only comes after God's Peace has comforted my heart.

Thank you for those of you that are coming with me on this journey. Today, my journey of a thousand miles is now one step closer. I comfortably pulled on my jeans today for the first time in two months. Please stick with me on this. Your encouragement has been part of the Peace that God has given to me as a gift.

Sin is Sin is Sin

We have all heard of sin. We know that sin separates us from God. We know that forgiveness comes through Jesus Christ. Once we are saved, we aspire to do good and steer clear of sin, for the most part. The one area that is rarely touched in our lives is the one that we hold near and dear to our hearts...gluttony.

Why do we hold onto this one and not give it the place that it belongs?

Sin is sin....no matter how much I rationalize it.

God was not vague when it comes to food or overindulgence.

"Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags."
Proverbs 23:20, 21

Wow. God's Word puts overeating right up there with alcoholism. It's an addiction. It's a total lack of self control.

When I look at the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and think about the cities that were so full of sin that God had to destroy them, I always think "immorality." I always thought of the evil that was written about in God's word as murder, sexual immorality, stealing, etc. But look at what Ezekiel has to say about Sodom...

Ezekiel 16:49 (New King James Version)

Look, this was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: She and her daughter had pride, fullness of food, and abundance of idleness; neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.

I have gone through several different versions of this verse, and it is translated the same, but using words like, "fullness of bread," "gluttonous," "excess of food," and "overabundance of food." They were a prideful, spoiled people who wanted for nothing. They lacked total self control and because of it, God wiped them out.


Self control is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Overindulgence is a sin of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21).

My body is constantly at war with me. My flesh and my Spirit continually battle between wise and foolish choices. I have to cling to the promises of God with this constant battle. God is fully aware of this battle, and He did not leave me to fight this alone. He tells me in Galatians 5:24, that because I have chosen to give my life to Jesus Christ, that I have crucified my flesh with all of it's passions and desires, and that if I chose to live by the Spirit, that I should walk by the Spirit.

Continually choosing God's best for me.

Continually choosing to walk in the Spirit.

Continually choosing self control.

Today, I choose self control.

The King's Best

What is it that makes your life shine like a light? What is that one thing that just sets you apart from the rest of the world? If you have Christ in your life, then it's Him that just shines through you that should set you apart. However, we have spent so much time engulfed in this world that we look and act just like everyone else.

Is this the King's best?

I think the bigger question is, which king am I following?

I love the story of Daniel. In the very first chapter of Daniel, he and his friends are faced with living for their God or living for the king. These four, fine looking fellas, were ripped from their homes and subjected to brainwashing from the Chaldeans (vs. 3-4). They were given the king's "choice foods" and wine (vs. 5).

Isn't that what I have been given? I live in a constant state of feasting. I live in one of the richest countries in the world. I am always eating what I have been told is "the best!" I take at face value that I am eating as "good for me." I am so spoiled with "the best," that I never stop to look at what I am eating...at all. In fact, I rarely stop at all. I shove it in without a second thought about whether or not this is God's best for me.

Why should I? I've already been told that it is the best.......by.........??? .....who?

If you know me, you know that I read every label of everything that I put on my body, but I will turn a blind eye to something that I am about to ingest because I want it.

That is not God's best for me.

Daniel and his friends made up their minds to turn from the king's best and focus all of their attention and devotion to what God wanted from them. How easy would it be for them to have given in to all that the king had to offer them? I mean, he was the king! He had access to anything that they could want! What a temptation!

That is a level of self control that is only accessible through the power of God.

Put a doughnut in front of me? GONE. Put a carrot in front of me? ....well, probably gone, too. BUT, given the choice, knowing that the carrot would be much better for me and the doughnut is a waste, I will go with the want over the need every time.

That is why I look like the rest of the world. I have allowed my body and my mind to be trained by media and other people instead of God's best. My body aches like the rest of the world. I can't climb stairs without being winded. I can't run and play with my kids. I take very little joy in what comes fresh from the ground that God provides, but I take great joy in a candy bar.

I want to be like Daniel. Strength in self control and turning away foods that I know will not honor God. I want to honor God by taking care of this body that He gave me so that I can better live for His kingdom and live healthy so that I can go where He needs me to go.

In the end, Daniel and his friends were stronger and healthier than all of those that ate from the king's "choice food." Wow. They looked better and were a living testimony of God's best (vs. 8-16), and because of his steadfast dedication to God's best, Daniel rose in Favor.

God's best.

....yeah, I'll take that.

Today I resolve to pray over my food choices and ask God if this is His best choice for me.
Will you resolve to do this with me?

the Journey of a thousand miles...

People always say, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." What they forget to tell you is that after that first step, there is still the thousand miles ahead of you, and it still looks just as long and just as arduous.

Well, despite the miles stretching out ahead of me, I am going to take this journey. I want to find my way to my perfect weight and perfect comfort zone. I just don't want to do this alone. I thought that maybe I could find a few friends that might want to take a road trip with me??

If you are interested, I'm taking my first couple of steps today. I don't want to read any more books on how to lose weight, and I am done buying into programs! I will not spend another dime on a weight loss system or purchase another membership to a gym or workshop. I'm doing it differently this time. Being healthy needs to fit into our family budget and maintaining a healthy weight is a responsibility that I need to live in front of my kids.

So, this time, I am going to do this with God's leading. Every day I am going to give this area of my life to the One who has lead me this far. I want to read what He has to say about a huge area of my life that is completely out of control. I want to find favor in His eyes as I learn how to eat and be healthy in a way that glorifies my King instead of looking to adhere to some standard that was never handed to me through Him.

I want to share this journey with whomever will want to come with me. I will share what I learn as I walk this with Jesus and hopefully gain some wisdom that I can share with my girls, my friends, and cling to grace as He helps me overcome strongholds that have kept me finding comfort and peace in calories instead of Him.

"Jesus said to them, 'My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to accomplish His work.'" John 4:34