I was reading through my Bible this morning and started reading some of the things that I had written on the inside cover when I was waaaaaaayyyyyy back in college...1993. I had some quotes that seemed important to me at the time, and some of them have become cliche, but one really stuck out to me this morning.
"You don't really believe something until it shows up in your life."
Wow.
I had to stop for a minute. God really used that in my heart this morning. It stung me. To see the truth in that, I had to rethink some things.
I believe in being healthy. I believe it in every way. I am so cautious about what my kids eat, what we bring into our home, when they eat, and how much. I force them outside because I don't want them to be plugged in, tuned out and zoned all day long. I want them to see the beauty and necessity of excersize and fresh air. I believe that I am training them to live a life that will set them up for a successful, healthy future.
...but deep down inside, I believed that it was too late for me.
My blogger friends...that was a serious revelation for me. It literally smacked me in my face. It has never shown up in my life because I never believed that I had the power to overcome my weaknesses in that area of my life.
What a lie.
What a lie to believe in for so many years.
The time I have wasted! believing that I am powerless to overcome my weakness.
The Irony. Irony, because I believed the lie. And in believing the lie, I lived it. I gave in to it. I fed it. I protected it. I nurtured it and wallowed in it. I explained to myself why being overweight was not completely my fault...and believed in it.
Believing was Believing.
New Perspective.
I believe that I AM a healthy eater. I believe that the excersize will form muscle that can and WILL emerge from under all of my past beliefs that cling to my unbelieving body. And as that change emerges a healthier and new physical me will emerge with it, transforming my outward appearance as my inner beliefs start to shine through.
I believe that God's Best for me is just below the surface, but I can still live for it every day, until it shines all around and through me.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A New Beginning
I know it's been a while since I have posted. For that I am truly sorry. It's been a while since I've had a moment, but rest assured that it has been time well spent in learning how to find my weigh.
I decided that I needed some serious motivation, so I created a contest that would encourage others to join me as we get healthy, lose weight, and motivate each other, as we do one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do AGAIN! Yes...I lost so much weight just 2 years ago, and then allowed poor choices to once again take over...so sad.
So, with 9 friends, we each paid $100 into the "pot." In October, the winner takes home the entire prize. Don't worry, it's all in a safe account that no one has access to but my incredible accountant.
You would think that the money would be enough, but NO. My girlfriends have decided that in October, we should take our yearly weekend "Girls Weekend Away," and do the Warrior Dash. Have you seen this thing?!? You should really Google that, and try and picture me running through that mess. But I am going to do it!
So, with that, I would like to welcome to back to my journey. I am well on my weigh. I have worked myself up to running one mile every day, and doing some strenght training to tone up my...less than small (you like the way I say that?) areas.
I will gladly take any and all encouragement that you can give me, and I plan to have fun along the way.
See you later :) And welcome back.
I decided that I needed some serious motivation, so I created a contest that would encourage others to join me as we get healthy, lose weight, and motivate each other, as we do one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do AGAIN! Yes...I lost so much weight just 2 years ago, and then allowed poor choices to once again take over...so sad.
So, with 9 friends, we each paid $100 into the "pot." In October, the winner takes home the entire prize. Don't worry, it's all in a safe account that no one has access to but my incredible accountant.
You would think that the money would be enough, but NO. My girlfriends have decided that in October, we should take our yearly weekend "Girls Weekend Away," and do the Warrior Dash. Have you seen this thing?!? You should really Google that, and try and picture me running through that mess. But I am going to do it!
So, with that, I would like to welcome to back to my journey. I am well on my weigh. I have worked myself up to running one mile every day, and doing some strenght training to tone up my...less than small (you like the way I say that?) areas.
I will gladly take any and all encouragement that you can give me, and I plan to have fun along the way.
See you later :) And welcome back.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Devil wears a size 4~
I watched a movie last night that most of you are probably familiar with, “The Devil Wears Prada.” I really enjoy that movie, but not for reasons that you might think. Yes, I love to watch the small town girl blossom into a lovely lady, but that is not where I love it. Every time I watch that movie it reminds me of how far my self absorption could really take me and it scares me back into line.
However, last night, as I was watching it, something else struck me, in light of everything that I am trying to search through to find out who God would have me be through Finding My Weigh.
Towards the end of the movie, the main character was very proud of herself for going from a size 6 to a size 4. Her friend was also very proud of her.
Now, I could be blind, but she looked great before her amazing transformation….in a size 6…..and all during that time, she was mocked as being fat….by a woman who was obviously much larger than she was. I know this was just a movie, but it really depicted how we are trained to believe in the lie that healthy is fat and that we are mentally trained to believe that by starving ourselves and fitting into some “mold,” set up by….who?? …is exactly where we are supposed to be.
Ok. I think, and I could be wrong here, that they didn’t break the mold after making me. I am fairly certain that I broke the mold just trying to fit my larger than average self into it and painfully finding out that it just was never meant to be. At 5 feet, 11 inches tall, I am NEVER….EVER…going to be a size 4.
In fact, my life more often reflects the opening scenes of the movie, “Elf,” when Buddy realizes that he is not an elf at all, and they show his giant self trying to fit into all of those tiny elf sized things, more so than the hope that I would ever fit into the fantastic clothes in “The Devil Wears Prada.”
The number 4 is something that only exists for me when someone asks me how many children I have, or how old my youngest child is. In my little world, the devil doesn't wear Prada. If it hadn't been for certain friends in recent years, I wouldn't even know what Prada was (all of you laughing can stop now), and sadly, when confronted with a purse that said "MJ" on the tag, a friend of mine said that it stood for "Micheal Jordan" and everyone else laughed....but I didn't get the joke. In my little world, the devil lives in a doughnut shop and sells me coffee all day long! Prada is not an issue for me, so being a size 4 isn't a goal of mine.
Does this negate my responsibility to me and to my family to ignore my commitment to get healthy?
NO! I’m gunning for a size 12, and could very happily live there for the rest of my life.
It just means that my responsibility lies in making sure that my heart and body are something that honors God. My outward appearance carrying chub is a painful admittance that somewhere deep inside of me, something is out of order, and my lack of control is showing all over my body. Finding my weigh is allowing God to have control over that area.
The devil very well may wear Prada, but my Jesus wears Robes of Majesty…that never go out of style.
Thank goodness. I look much better in Robes, and they are way more comfortable.
Robes of Majesty…that’s God’s best for me.
However, last night, as I was watching it, something else struck me, in light of everything that I am trying to search through to find out who God would have me be through Finding My Weigh.
Towards the end of the movie, the main character was very proud of herself for going from a size 6 to a size 4. Her friend was also very proud of her.
Now, I could be blind, but she looked great before her amazing transformation….in a size 6…..and all during that time, she was mocked as being fat….by a woman who was obviously much larger than she was. I know this was just a movie, but it really depicted how we are trained to believe in the lie that healthy is fat and that we are mentally trained to believe that by starving ourselves and fitting into some “mold,” set up by….who?? …is exactly where we are supposed to be.
Ok. I think, and I could be wrong here, that they didn’t break the mold after making me. I am fairly certain that I broke the mold just trying to fit my larger than average self into it and painfully finding out that it just was never meant to be. At 5 feet, 11 inches tall, I am NEVER….EVER…going to be a size 4.
In fact, my life more often reflects the opening scenes of the movie, “Elf,” when Buddy realizes that he is not an elf at all, and they show his giant self trying to fit into all of those tiny elf sized things, more so than the hope that I would ever fit into the fantastic clothes in “The Devil Wears Prada.”
The number 4 is something that only exists for me when someone asks me how many children I have, or how old my youngest child is. In my little world, the devil doesn't wear Prada. If it hadn't been for certain friends in recent years, I wouldn't even know what Prada was (all of you laughing can stop now), and sadly, when confronted with a purse that said "MJ" on the tag, a friend of mine said that it stood for "Micheal Jordan" and everyone else laughed....but I didn't get the joke. In my little world, the devil lives in a doughnut shop and sells me coffee all day long! Prada is not an issue for me, so being a size 4 isn't a goal of mine.
Does this negate my responsibility to me and to my family to ignore my commitment to get healthy?
NO! I’m gunning for a size 12, and could very happily live there for the rest of my life.
It just means that my responsibility lies in making sure that my heart and body are something that honors God. My outward appearance carrying chub is a painful admittance that somewhere deep inside of me, something is out of order, and my lack of control is showing all over my body. Finding my weigh is allowing God to have control over that area.
The devil very well may wear Prada, but my Jesus wears Robes of Majesty…that never go out of style.
Thank goodness. I look much better in Robes, and they are way more comfortable.
Robes of Majesty…that’s God’s best for me.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Keep your head above water!
I love to go swimming. What was even more fun last week about being in the pool was toting my four year old around in the water with me. She gets so excited about the water, but she is terrified all at the same time. What is amazing to me is that she doesn’t allow her fear to stop her from jumping in. She would rather feel the cool water all around her than to sit on the sidelines, melting in the sun.
I love that about her.
The water on one end of the pool was just low enough that she could stand and allow the water come to just under her chin. She would float around on a purple pool noodle with full confidence that if she hopped off, she could catch her balance with her feet safely planted on the bottom of the pool. So, at one point, I grabbed the pool noodle and started dragging her into deeper waters.
That is where she lost it.
Now, I am her mother and I was right there beside her. I would never let her drown. If the noodle would have given way, I would have been right there to catch her. I was never more than and hand grip away. She loves me. She trusts me…but not in that moment. The water just seemed to big….and she lost it.
I pulled the noodle out from under her and grabbed her close to me. She started freaking out. I just held her. I wanted her to know that I was there and that I wouldn’t allow her to go under. I just talked to her. As she got quieter, she could hear my voice and started to calm down a bit. We got to the point where I was holding her out from me at arms length in the deepest part of the pool.
I wasn’t going to let go.
I have no desire to see harm come to my daughter.
She learned to trust me.
When she was done or when she needed an extra hug or hand, all she had to do was ask and it was there. When she was ready, I could hold her out again.
God couldn’t help but make this a teaching moment for me.
I don’t have a lot of fear when it comes to taking on difficult tasks. God has definitely NOT given me the spirit of fear or timidity! I live that verse. However, I do not like it when He calls upon me to do the impossible.
But isn’t that where God teaches me that He is there the most? …when I can’t touch bottom and my head is barely above water? Do I really think that His desire is to see me drown?
No.
He desires for me to ask for His hand.
He is there…stretched out and ready to grab me by the hand and give me the security that I need to continue to trust Him. If He only ever gave me tasks that were easy for me, where would Faith come in?
It wouldn’t.
Where would growth happen?
It wouldn’t.
God’s best for me is where I learn to hold His hand and be lead rather than taking the reigns and leading in my own direction.
God’s best for me is being where my feet are no longer touching the bottom of the pool, but His feet are firmly planted and He is simply holding me up.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
I love that about her.
The water on one end of the pool was just low enough that she could stand and allow the water come to just under her chin. She would float around on a purple pool noodle with full confidence that if she hopped off, she could catch her balance with her feet safely planted on the bottom of the pool. So, at one point, I grabbed the pool noodle and started dragging her into deeper waters.
That is where she lost it.
Now, I am her mother and I was right there beside her. I would never let her drown. If the noodle would have given way, I would have been right there to catch her. I was never more than and hand grip away. She loves me. She trusts me…but not in that moment. The water just seemed to big….and she lost it.
I pulled the noodle out from under her and grabbed her close to me. She started freaking out. I just held her. I wanted her to know that I was there and that I wouldn’t allow her to go under. I just talked to her. As she got quieter, she could hear my voice and started to calm down a bit. We got to the point where I was holding her out from me at arms length in the deepest part of the pool.
I wasn’t going to let go.
I have no desire to see harm come to my daughter.
She learned to trust me.
When she was done or when she needed an extra hug or hand, all she had to do was ask and it was there. When she was ready, I could hold her out again.
God couldn’t help but make this a teaching moment for me.
I don’t have a lot of fear when it comes to taking on difficult tasks. God has definitely NOT given me the spirit of fear or timidity! I live that verse. However, I do not like it when He calls upon me to do the impossible.
But isn’t that where God teaches me that He is there the most? …when I can’t touch bottom and my head is barely above water? Do I really think that His desire is to see me drown?
No.
He desires for me to ask for His hand.
He is there…stretched out and ready to grab me by the hand and give me the security that I need to continue to trust Him. If He only ever gave me tasks that were easy for me, where would Faith come in?
It wouldn’t.
Where would growth happen?
It wouldn’t.
God’s best for me is where I learn to hold His hand and be lead rather than taking the reigns and leading in my own direction.
God’s best for me is being where my feet are no longer touching the bottom of the pool, but His feet are firmly planted and He is simply holding me up.
Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
O.....M.......Word....
We spent one amazing week in the Outer Banks and enjoyed every single second of our much needed and much appreciated vacation. My kids were fantastic and well behaved. The friends we went with were fun and patient with our tribe of children. I ate more carbs than the average red head, and we came home relaxed, tanned, burned, and ready to get back to life.
I gave myself one day to unpack, grocery shop and settle in, and I started my diet today. When I say "diet," please know that I am well aware that people tell me constantly to not look at this like a diet more than "a new way to live." Cut the crap. No matter how you word it, skipping the doughnuts and cheesecake to attain a healthier body is never going to be fun.
Don't get me wrong. I love my vegetables. I just love them topped with pie.
So, today, I am putting together all of the previous blog posts and pulling them all together for myself....and you, if you like.
I am respecting my God by respecting my body. I am starting this diet by breaking my addiction to carbs. I have made myself a big container of marinated salad (recipe below) and I am drinking all of my water and eating vegetables until my body quits craving the carbs.
My kids are not in love with me today.
God needs to hold me up.
I have a migraine and it's only 2 PM on the very first day.
I can do this.
Why?
Because God's best for me is depending on Him and not turning to cake with every bad or hard day. Those days happen more than I would like and my body is showing a serious dependence on those "feel good" carbs.
Deciding to be healthy is not hard. I want to be healthy.
It's not hard. It's painful.
Pray for my migraine, if you have a chance. Pray for my husband and kids as a tag line, if you have a minute.
I'm fuzzy.
I'm frustrated.
I know that what I have done to get to this point comes after a long list of bad decisions.
I know that every day that passes and my body adjusts to healthier food and plenty of fresh clean water to wash away the past, that I am getting closer to God's best for me.
MARINATED SALAD
1 lb bag of carrots
2 broccoli crowns
1 head cauliflower
3 peppers
1 bunch of celery
1 bunch of scallions
1 c apple cider vinegar
1 c canola oil
1-2 T of garlic powder
Cut up all vegetable into big chunks and put into a container that has a tight fitting lid.
Dice scallions and put them on the vegetables
Pour on vinegar and oil and garlic powder
Put on the airtight lid and shake
Only put salt on your vegetables as you are getting ready to eat them. Salt pulls the water out of the veggies and will leave them soggy.
Let set for a couple of hours and enjoy!
I gave myself one day to unpack, grocery shop and settle in, and I started my diet today. When I say "diet," please know that I am well aware that people tell me constantly to not look at this like a diet more than "a new way to live." Cut the crap. No matter how you word it, skipping the doughnuts and cheesecake to attain a healthier body is never going to be fun.
Don't get me wrong. I love my vegetables. I just love them topped with pie.
So, today, I am putting together all of the previous blog posts and pulling them all together for myself....and you, if you like.
I am respecting my God by respecting my body. I am starting this diet by breaking my addiction to carbs. I have made myself a big container of marinated salad (recipe below) and I am drinking all of my water and eating vegetables until my body quits craving the carbs.
My kids are not in love with me today.
God needs to hold me up.
I have a migraine and it's only 2 PM on the very first day.
I can do this.
Why?
Because God's best for me is depending on Him and not turning to cake with every bad or hard day. Those days happen more than I would like and my body is showing a serious dependence on those "feel good" carbs.
Deciding to be healthy is not hard. I want to be healthy.
It's not hard. It's painful.
Pray for my migraine, if you have a chance. Pray for my husband and kids as a tag line, if you have a minute.
I'm fuzzy.
I'm frustrated.
I know that what I have done to get to this point comes after a long list of bad decisions.
I know that every day that passes and my body adjusts to healthier food and plenty of fresh clean water to wash away the past, that I am getting closer to God's best for me.
MARINATED SALAD
1 lb bag of carrots
2 broccoli crowns
1 head cauliflower
3 peppers
1 bunch of celery
1 bunch of scallions
1 c apple cider vinegar
1 c canola oil
1-2 T of garlic powder
Cut up all vegetable into big chunks and put into a container that has a tight fitting lid.
Dice scallions and put them on the vegetables
Pour on vinegar and oil and garlic powder
Put on the airtight lid and shake
Only put salt on your vegetables as you are getting ready to eat them. Salt pulls the water out of the veggies and will leave them soggy.
Let set for a couple of hours and enjoy!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
They say it's YouR BIRTHDAY!
Today is my birthday. I know that it’s not popular to be in love with your birthday and that I should somehow be sad that I am getting older, but I have to tell you, I think that mindset is completely ridiculous.
I am not sad about my age.
I am never sad about my birthday!
I get excited every time it rolls around and this year, I am 36, and just as thrilled to be 36 as I was to be 26. I love Birthdays! …and to be more specific, I love MY birthday!
I actually have a friend who turned 50 this year. She didn’t want a party and you have never seen someone so opposed to turning 50! I have to tell you, I don’t get that. Did her making us ignore her birthday somehow make her still stay 49? Nope. She’s still 50, gorgeous, and amazing.
My sister freaked out when she turned 30. Seriously, she F R E A K E D O U T. You know what? She’s 33 today. Freakin’ out didn’t make it stop and time still goes by.
I am so not sad about 36! Age does not scare me because I remember 26.
At 26: excited about who I was and where I was going
At 36: amazed at where God has taken me and who He wants me to be
At 26: two babies at home that needed constant care and attention
At 36: four kids that pretty much take care of themselves
At 26: trying to figure out how to please my husband
At 36: husband needs clean clothes, food in any form, sleep, and love
At 26: trying to somehow fit in, STILL
At 36: love me or leave me, God placed me right here
At 26: annoyed that I am so freakin’ tall and nothing fits
At 36: why is everyone else so freakin’ short? …and I know where to shop
At 26: trying to fit the “mold”
At 36: just a lump of clay allowing God to constantly mold me
~Being 36 is being comfortable with who God has designed me to be and finding out that His plan is perfect but that doesn’t mean that I am.
~I am not sure why I had to be so tall to fit into that plan, but I love that the step stools in my house are for all of my short friends that come to visit and not me. I can totally see on top of my fridge without one. Beat that!
I love that turning 36 means that God has blessed me with another year.
36 years old, 5 feet 11 inches tall, slightly chubby, always smiling, 4 kids, 14 years of marriage.
…that is God’s best for me.
Bring it on.
I am not sad about my age.
I am never sad about my birthday!
I get excited every time it rolls around and this year, I am 36, and just as thrilled to be 36 as I was to be 26. I love Birthdays! …and to be more specific, I love MY birthday!
I actually have a friend who turned 50 this year. She didn’t want a party and you have never seen someone so opposed to turning 50! I have to tell you, I don’t get that. Did her making us ignore her birthday somehow make her still stay 49? Nope. She’s still 50, gorgeous, and amazing.
My sister freaked out when she turned 30. Seriously, she F R E A K E D O U T. You know what? She’s 33 today. Freakin’ out didn’t make it stop and time still goes by.
I am so not sad about 36! Age does not scare me because I remember 26.
At 26: excited about who I was and where I was going
At 36: amazed at where God has taken me and who He wants me to be
At 26: two babies at home that needed constant care and attention
At 36: four kids that pretty much take care of themselves
At 26: trying to figure out how to please my husband
At 36: husband needs clean clothes, food in any form, sleep, and love
At 26: trying to somehow fit in, STILL
At 36: love me or leave me, God placed me right here
At 26: annoyed that I am so freakin’ tall and nothing fits
At 36: why is everyone else so freakin’ short? …and I know where to shop
At 26: trying to fit the “mold”
At 36: just a lump of clay allowing God to constantly mold me
~Being 36 is being comfortable with who God has designed me to be and finding out that His plan is perfect but that doesn’t mean that I am.
~I am not sure why I had to be so tall to fit into that plan, but I love that the step stools in my house are for all of my short friends that come to visit and not me. I can totally see on top of my fridge without one. Beat that!
I love that turning 36 means that God has blessed me with another year.
36 years old, 5 feet 11 inches tall, slightly chubby, always smiling, 4 kids, 14 years of marriage.
…that is God’s best for me.
Bring it on.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Love, Dad
I love how God took my most basic needs and made them simple. It’s not God that has made it difficult. The most basic desires, needs and questions are answered all throughout His Love Letter to me, the Bible, and I have allowed human thoughts to come in and confuse so many aspects of my life.
This morning I was laying in bed, sleeping in for the first time in a day short of seventy years, and my son, Aedan, age 6, came in and snuggled up against me. He didn’t want breakfast. He didn’t want me to settle an argument between him and his brother. He just wanted me…just to be near me. I scratched his back and drew around his little face. I tickled him under his chin and we talked a little. We laid there for about an hour, and I never even knew time had gone by. Then, just like that, he was ready to go. He had gotten his Mommy time and his little love tank was full, so he ran out to tackle the day.
My biggest lesson in seeing who God is came when I fell in love with my children. I would do anything for them and I protect them fiercely. I discipline them because I love them and I don’t want them to get hurt. I desire for them to grow up and be good people and followers of Christ. I can’t choose for them to do right, but I can be there for them when they fall and offer guidance and experience.
I love them.
A lot.
How much more does God love us?
I think that’s why God calls Himself our Heavenly Father. There is no other way for us to understand what kind of love that God has for us. What kind of love would send His Son to the cross for me? Could I sacrifice that much for a bunch of people that couldn’t stand me? Could I sacrifice my child for people that spit in his face?! Writing that out brings pain to my heart!
If God would have not called me into motherhood, I don’t know how I could have possibly known the love that a parent feels for their child. God had to break it down for me. That is how He looks at me. That is how He loves me, but ten fold.
My son doesn’t ask me to love him. I just do. I adore him. I love everything about him. I love that he is part of us, part of our family, and I love that his personality is vastly different from mine but his face reflects that he is part of me. There is nothing that he could ever do that would make him any less my son. He will always be mine.
That kind of love is unconditional.
We put the rules on love. God never did. He loves us unconditionally. He never says that I have to earn His love. It just is, because God is love. Why do we have to mess that up? I don’t have to be perfect to be His child. I am not always obedient, either. He loves me anyway.
He just wants me to be near Him.
He just wants me to WANT to be near Him.
That way, I don’t run out into the world on empty. Simple time and love.
Finding my weigh means seeing that God loves me no matter what. I don't want to lose weight to impress a world that is very un-impressed with me. This world has charmed me into believing that love is a condition that is based on what I do right, if I am thin enough and if I am pretty enough. That is just a set up for failure. I can't live up to those expectations. I don't want to live up to those expectations.
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
He loves me right here, right now. He loves me just because He has built me this way. I have chosen wrong things that have done less for my body than He would desire. He still loves me. He still uses me. He desires more for me, but He will love me through it all.
That’s God’s best for me.
This morning I was laying in bed, sleeping in for the first time in a day short of seventy years, and my son, Aedan, age 6, came in and snuggled up against me. He didn’t want breakfast. He didn’t want me to settle an argument between him and his brother. He just wanted me…just to be near me. I scratched his back and drew around his little face. I tickled him under his chin and we talked a little. We laid there for about an hour, and I never even knew time had gone by. Then, just like that, he was ready to go. He had gotten his Mommy time and his little love tank was full, so he ran out to tackle the day.
My biggest lesson in seeing who God is came when I fell in love with my children. I would do anything for them and I protect them fiercely. I discipline them because I love them and I don’t want them to get hurt. I desire for them to grow up and be good people and followers of Christ. I can’t choose for them to do right, but I can be there for them when they fall and offer guidance and experience.
I love them.
A lot.
How much more does God love us?
I think that’s why God calls Himself our Heavenly Father. There is no other way for us to understand what kind of love that God has for us. What kind of love would send His Son to the cross for me? Could I sacrifice that much for a bunch of people that couldn’t stand me? Could I sacrifice my child for people that spit in his face?! Writing that out brings pain to my heart!
If God would have not called me into motherhood, I don’t know how I could have possibly known the love that a parent feels for their child. God had to break it down for me. That is how He looks at me. That is how He loves me, but ten fold.
My son doesn’t ask me to love him. I just do. I adore him. I love everything about him. I love that he is part of us, part of our family, and I love that his personality is vastly different from mine but his face reflects that he is part of me. There is nothing that he could ever do that would make him any less my son. He will always be mine.
That kind of love is unconditional.
We put the rules on love. God never did. He loves us unconditionally. He never says that I have to earn His love. It just is, because God is love. Why do we have to mess that up? I don’t have to be perfect to be His child. I am not always obedient, either. He loves me anyway.
He just wants me to be near Him.
He just wants me to WANT to be near Him.
That way, I don’t run out into the world on empty. Simple time and love.
Finding my weigh means seeing that God loves me no matter what. I don't want to lose weight to impress a world that is very un-impressed with me. This world has charmed me into believing that love is a condition that is based on what I do right, if I am thin enough and if I am pretty enough. That is just a set up for failure. I can't live up to those expectations. I don't want to live up to those expectations.
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
He loves me right here, right now. He loves me just because He has built me this way. I have chosen wrong things that have done less for my body than He would desire. He still loves me. He still uses me. He desires more for me, but He will love me through it all.
That’s God’s best for me.
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